A large part of the healing process involved doing some mental work.
In this week’s episode, Lauren discusses the reason why you may be feeling stuck after your breakup and a strategy for moving on in a healthy + productive way.
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Hello, my sweet friend. And welcome back to comeback class. I am so excited to have you he year. I cannot believe that this is the fifth episode already. I remember a few months ago, I think it was where I started planning out the podcast and trying to figure out all the logistics of it. But eventually I did and I am so happy that you all are enjoying it. I’ve been getting some really great responses that it has been helpful to you and you are really benefiting from it. And that was the whole point. I just wanted to be able to give you information that would help you through your healing process and hopefully give you some mode of, for the future. So I’m really, really grateful that you are here and that you are finding this helpful because that was, that was my intention from, from the get go.
So in today’s episode, we are gonna talk about how to get unstuck and to start moving on. Now, this is something that I have heard from a lot of you that you are just overwhelmed with thoughts about your ex-partner and about the relationship, the breakup, et cetera. And this is all totally normal. This happens to, I would say almost everybody that goes through a breakup and there’s this saying that I always kind of come back to, and that is that rejection breeds obsession. And I might actually have, I might actually make another episode just about that. But for this episode in particular, I want to talk about a strategy G that I think is really helpful if you’re feeling really stuck and you need, you, you need to figure out a way to move on. That’s healthy and productive because here’s the thing.
A lot of people try different things to try to get over their ex, right? So some people will binge drink or they’ll do drugs, or they’ll have sex with a bunch of random people, stuff like that. Or you may know somebody like this. And I definitely had friends like this as well, that they will just immediately look for a new relationship because they think that it’s going to make them feel better or help them move on from the relationship that just ended. And I mean, you, everybody has free. Will everybody has their own agency. You can certainly do whatever you want. I would just say that there are healthier ways to go about moving on. So even if this, maybe this is something that you’ve actually done in the past, you know, you may have coping skills that aren’t the healthiest and that’s okay, but just know that it it’s never too late to change.
And there are, there are better ways for you to start feeling better. So we’re gonna talk about that in this episode. One phrase that you might hear a lot is that time heals everything, time, heals, all, something like that. And while I do agree to an extent, time does help you heal. It does not heal everything. The fact is that a grieving process does not have a time limit, so you can lose a loved one and grieve them for years and years and years. And there’s, that’s, that’s normal too. It’s not, there’s no time limit on a grieving process and the same goes for relationships. So I wouldn’t just rely on time going by as the solution to feeling better or being able to move on from the situation. What I do think helps is actually taking action, right? You have to do something as opposed to just letting the time go by.
You have to be proactive in your healing process. Otherwise you will be inundated with a, all of these thoughts about the past, and it’s going to, it’s going to make it a lot harder for you to actually start living the life that you’re supposed to be living. So you have to actually take action in this situation. Now I mentioned this before, but your mind is so powerful. And the fact that you have the ability to choose your own thoughts is absolutely huge. And I wish that more people understood this, that you have complete control over your thoughts and feelings and actions. And once you realize that it’s really liberating and I think it alleviates a lot of suffering. So right now, if you’re having a lot of thoughts about the past and it’s, you know, it’s keeping you from moving forward, then what I would say is that you need to replace those thoughts. And this is not talking about like toxic positivity, like, you know, everything will be okay, don’t worry, be happy. That kind of stuff. That’s not what I’m talking about. You definitely have to work through your emotions and that is part of it. But I think, you know, running parallel to that, you also need to start focusing on something else that is going to help propel you forward.
You need to reshift your focus to something that is going to lift you up and get you excited for the future instead of dwelling on the past. So one of the things that I would suggest that is actually pretty fun is to just sit down and make a list of all the things that you’ve ever wanted to do. You know, a lot of us, we have these fleeting thoughts, like, oh, I would love to do this one day, or this would be really fun if I ever got around to it. So actually sit down and start thinking about those things. And I actually keep like a running list where if I think of something, oh, I’d really love to do that. Okay, well, I’ll write it down. I’ll put it on my list. Kind of like a bucket list, something like that. And it doesn’t have to be these big, giant things like it could, it could be, I mean, one of mine at, at one point was starting a business.
And obviously that was a huge feat. But I did, I did do it. So you, you can do big things like that. Or you could do something smaller, like, you know, maybe you wanna renovate your bathroom or something like that. It can really be anything. The point is that it is helping you become more future focused. And to really just have something to look forward to, which I think is what a lot of us need when we are when we are grieving the ending of a, the end of a relationship. Because a lot of times in those situations you are having to let go of the future that you had planned for yourself. So a lot of us have these visions in our head of what, how everything was gonna play out and what our future was going to look like.
And we become excited about that. And then the relationship ends and we think, okay, well, what’s gonna happen now. And there’s a lot of fear that, that comes with that, but there doesn’t have to be. I think this is a really great exercise just to help you start getting excited about something and realize that there are other opportunities for you in life for you to be excited and to be happy about other than just your relationship. And of course, like being in a relationship, being in love, all that stuff is amazing. I think it’s one of the best things in life. But you have to be able to find happiness on your own and be excited for things that just involve you. And the amazing thing about this is that once you start accomplishing maybe some smaller goals, it’s going, that energy is going to snowball, and it’s going to just keep you going higher and higher until you get to a place where you are gonna think, oh my gosh, look at everything.
I’ve accomplished. Look at everything I’ve been able to do. This is so amazing. And it’s also gonna help you with your self-esteem and your self confidence, which I think is one of the best things that you can do for yourself is to improve your self-confidence. Because that’s something that you’re gonna be able to continue with for the rest of your life. And I think once you realize what you are actually capable of, you will be so proud of yourself and you will just continue to accomplish amazing things. And this is how you start with that. Now another part of becoming the person that you were meant to be is also learning your past. So I don’t want you to dismiss that completely while you are in this healing process, you are going to have lessons and takeaways from this time in your life. But a lot of those lessons are not going to come to you right away, right?
Sometimes it takes time and the living in between for some of those things to make sense, right? So when they say time heals everything while I don’t totally agree with that, I think that you do need time to understand the lessons from the experiences that you have had. You know, you’re not going to understand everything as it’s happening. It’s, it’s gonna take some time. But I think during that in between time, you, you can go through this process and you can, this is the time for you to work on yourself. So years from now, or months or whatever, when you are in a different place, then you may be able to say, oh, now I see why this happened. This makes absolute sense. And this has happened for me. I, I am in a place now where I look at some of the, you know, events in my past and past relationships and all that stuff.
And I think, well, no wonder that that didn’t work out because I would never be where I am right now. And right now, right here is this is the best place that I’ve ever been and it’s going to continue to get better. So things will fall into place accordingly. And some things won’t, you know and I, you know, faith is a big part of my life. So I do re I do really think that God has everything mapped out. So when things don’t work out for me, it makes it a lot easier for me to accept it, because I know that that means that there is something even better coming up for me. So it’s just, it’s very comforting to know that, and it helps it helps helps you, I think, deal with disappointment better. There’s a quote from the author, Byron, Katie, that I really like.
And she says, how do I know it was meant to happen this way? Because it did. And it’s funny because it’s so simple yet. It’s so true. Once you, you learn to accept what is it alleviates a lot of suffering. And this is something that I have been learning about for a very long time. And it takes a lot of work to sort of become this person who is able to accept what is, and it’s something that I have to work on pretty much on a daily basis. But if it’s something you would like to try, I highly highly encourage it. And just remember that you do not need to analyze every situation to death. You can do that. And I think in, for a lot of us, it’s our nature to do that, but it is so freeing when you can just say this was meant to happen because it did.
And in that moment, you are accepting reality, which is also helping to alleviate your suffering because remember pain is inevitable. So suffering is optional. You do not have to suffer. You have so much power and ability within you. You just need to remember that and have the confidence to release what doesn’t serve you so that you can welcome into your life, the things and the people that do. So go ahead and try this exercise, write down some of the things that you are really looking forward to accomplishing, whether they be big or small and feel free to share those with me. I love hearing about other people’s goals. It’s just really fun for me. So I am more than willing to be your hype woman on this. So go ahead and share those those goals with me if you want to.
And if you are really just feeling stuck, maybe you’re just fresh off a breakup, or maybe you’re not, maybe it’s been a while and you just cannot move on mentally. Is I’m gonna include a link to my free guide in the show note or in the show description so that you can access that and it’s totally free. And it’ll just give you some tips to really start getting the ball rolling. So go ahead and download that and then also do this exercise. If you feel it may be helpful to you, hint, hint, it will. and with that, I will see you in next week’s episode.
After dealing with a devastating heartbreak that turned my world upside down, I made a conscious decision to pursue the life of my dreams and never settle.
Now, I teach other women how to do the same.
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