Welcome back to Comeback class. Thanks so much for joining me this week. Make sure you hit that
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every Tuesday. I wanna remind you that if you’re interested in one-on-one coaching with me, you can go
to tools dot the heartbreak nurse.com/coaching to sign up for that. Now, let’s get into today’s episode.
We are going to be talking about how to make the most of your single season. The idea here is that the
time in between relationships is not just that. It’s not just time that is supposed to be spent waiting.
There’s actually so many things you can do during your single season or during the times in your life
when it’s just you and you don’t have a partner. So what I wanna talk to you about are some of the
things that you can do during this time and how you can really make the most of it so that when you do
enter into a new relationship, it can be the best one that you’ve ever had.
And not only that, but you’re gonna be forming an even stronger, deeper, healthier relationship with
yourself in the process. So the first thing that you can do to make the most of your single season is to
explore your interests, because when you’re single, you have more time to explore your hobbies. You
can take classes, you can start new projects or pick up new skills. You can learn anything that you want
to learn. And the beautiful thing about the time that we live in today is that there’s so much information
available on online, anything you could possibly wanna learn, or you can even find groups to join online
meetup groups where you actually meet people in person. One way that you can do that, or one service
that I have heard of, I haven’t used it, but it’s meetup where you can actually join up with other people
who have similar interests as you and you meet up on a regular basis and do things together.
So that is definitely something that you can consider trying while you are in this period where you’re just
hanging out with yourself, you don’t have somebody at home with you or somebody that you are
spending all your free time with. You can take that free time and do stuff that’s just for you, stuff that
you really enjoy, that you love, that makes you happy. The second thing that you can do during your,
your single season is to travel. And solo travel is something that has become increasingly popular. And
there’s a lot of influencers online who, their specific audience is solo travelers. And you don’t have to
travel alone. Certainly if you’re concerned about safety and things like that, you can travel with other
people, but if you want to, you can travel by yourself, which I, I’ve never, I don’t think I’ve ever done it.
Like I’ve never gone on vacation by myself. I’ve had to take trips by myself for one reason or another,
like to go to an event or something. But it’s something that I think is pretty cool and I would definitely
consider trying it. But traveling is a great way to experience new cultures, to meet people, to make
memories. And you can totally take advantage of this time to go wherever it is that you wanna go.
Because the thing is, even when we’re in a relationship, maybe that person likes to travel also, maybe
they don’t. But you can pick out where you wanna go and just go. You don’t have to worry about having
another person with you that you have to consider. Or maybe if it’s somewhere that someone wouldn’t
wanna go, you can go wherever you want to and you can do it alone or you can do it with friends or
And here’s the thing, it’s not only with traveling with most things, you can do them alone if you want to.
People just don’t because they feel funny for some reason or another. I know some people that just go
out to dinner and go to restaurants that they wanna try by themselves because they just wanna go and
they don’t wanna wait for someone to be be available to go with them. And I think that is the coolest
thing, when you can just have that confidence to say, I’m gonna do whatever I wanna do, whether I have
somebody with me or not. And if that’s something that kind of scares you a little bit, maybe it’s
something that you need to do. Maybe you need to do something by yourself. Like go to dinner by
yourself, go see a movie by yourself, take yourself on a trip.
So definitely try it. Now is the time to do it, that’s for sure. While you’re doing these things, while you’re
exploring interests and traveling, you’re gonna be meeting new people. And that’s super important.
Being single gives you the opportunity to meet new people and to expand your social circle. You can join
clubs, you can attend events with people who have similar interests as you. You can try online dating to
go on dates and meet people, or just to make new friends. And online dating is one of those things
where people usually either enjoy it or they hate it. And I have done it myself in the past a few different
times, and I don’t mind it. I think it’s fun. I think I’ve met some nice people. I’ve met some people that,
you know, I talked to a couple times or I went out with once and I wouldn’t go out with again.
But the thing is, you just have to get out there. And I know that’s what, that’s what everyone says, like
you just have to get out there. But it’s really not as scary as we think it is. It’s more the anticipation of
having to go out and meet new people that’s scarier than actually meeting new people. And I think
sometimes, at least when it comes to online dating, sometimes we put too much stock in a date and we
think way too much about it and we overanalyze everything. But the thing is, it’s just a date. It’s just an
opportunity to go out with someone and get to know them and do something fun together. And if you
wanna keep doing that, that’s great. And if you don’t, that’s totally fine. And I just, I wish people would
understand that you don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself or so much pressure on the date.
Just have a good time, have fun. Definitely keep in mind, you know, your values and your morals and
what you want in a relationship, you obviously wanna keep those things with you at all times, but you
don’t have to stress out about it. As always, another thing that you should be focusing on, whether
you’re in this season of your life or any season of your life, is your self-care. But the beautiful thing is
when you’re single and you’re not in a relationship, especially if you don’t have kids or people that
depend on you, a majority of the time, you time is completely your own. You can focus on your physical
and mental health. You can exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, practice, mindfulness, all the things.
And I’m not saying you have to do all of them at once. You can focus on one specific aspect at a time,
which is what I try to do.
Because if I tell myself I’m gonna do all of the above at the same time, it usually doesn’t work out or I
manage to do one thing well, and then everything else doesn’t go so well or everything else suffers from
it. So if you’re trying to focus on self-care, I would encourage you to pick one area. Let’s say getting
enough sleep. Let’s say you don’t get enough sleep, I would say try that first. Figure out, you know, is
there a certain time that I need to go to bed every night so that I can get so many hours? There’s a great
app that I use called Sleep Cycle that will track your sleep cycle over time, and then it will wake you up
during your lightest phase of sleep. So that’s something you can try. Basically just pick one thing until
you get really good at it, until it becomes habit, it becomes natural, and then move on to the next thing.
Obviously we wanna be well-rounded with our self-care, but again, not something you have to stress
about. Just take it one small step at a time. But now is definitely the time to work on your self-care if it’s
something that you haven’t been doing previously. Another amazing thing that you can do for yourself
during this time is to set goals. If you’ve never set goals before, never thought about it. I want you to
listen to the Personal Growth for Newbies series that I did a month or two ago. And the first step is
creating a vision for your life. So there’s an episode all about that. And then the second step, the second
episode in that series is creating goals for yourself. And then finally, in the third step, you’re going to
create a plan so that you can achieve those goals. So if you need help learning how to set goals, you’ve
never done it before, or you just need a refresh, go ahead and listen to that series that I have other
Again, this time in your life is all about you. It is the perfect time to focus on these things. And you will
get to a point that when you’re in a different season and you’re in a relationship or you’re married and
you have someone else, you already have this really amazing foundation for who you are and what you
want. And it’s going to make everything else so much easier and so much better. Another important part
of enjoying and taking advantage of your single season is learning to enjoy your own company. And that
is because the person that you will spend the most time with in your life, during your life is you. So learn
about yourself, enjoy spending time with yourself. Enjoy spending time alone. Get comfortable being
alone. This is especially true if you are someone who is afraid of being alone, which there’s nothing
wrong with you if you feel that way, if you’re afraid of being alone, if you are afraid of loneliness.
But you have to ask yourself why. Why is it that you don’t wanna be alone? Obviously, you know, we were put on this earth with other people because we are supposed to interact with them and to love them and to feel loved and to experience things with others. But you also should be able to have a relationship with yourself. You should be able to feel comfortable in your own skin, feel comfortable having alone time. And it doesn’t mean you have to sit there and stare at the wall. , you know, there are lots of things that you can do on your own, like we talked about. You can go out to eat by yourself. You can go see a movie by yourself. You can just sit and read a book and, and simply just enjoy the quiet time. Now, if you’re introverted like me, it’s very easy to do this.
You already enjoy hanging out by yourself. But if you’re someone that you know, you feel anxiety,
maybe if you’re not constantly surrounded by other people, think about why that is, and think about
how you can get more comfortable spending time. Just you. If you’re in your single season and you feel
like you have a lot of free time and you don’t know how to spend it and you don’t, certainly don’t wanna
spend all your time alone, another thing you can do is volunteer. Spending time volunteering for a cause
that you are passionate about is not only beneficial for the people that you are helping, but it’s also
going to do so much for you personally. And I’ve always wanted to spend more time volunteering, but
recently, since I’ve been involved at my church, I have started volunteering with them. And I spend time
volunteering every single week.
And it is one of the best times of my week. I look forward to it every single week because I just feel like
I’m giving and I don’t need anything. I’m not taking anything. I’m simply giving my time and helping
other people. And it just really, it fills me up. And I think it’s such a rewarding experience if your career is
something that’s really important to you, another thing you can do is focus on that by taking on some
new projects or learning some new skills, maybe going back to school, if that’s something that you have
wanted to do or getting a certification. What are the skills that you have been wanting to learn? And
maybe you haven’t had the time until now. Now is the time to do those things. You can go all in on
whatever is important to you. If it’s your career, that’s great.
If it’s traveling, that’s great. If it’s volunteering, that’s great. Just decide what is important to you, what is most important to you, what would be the most beneficial for you to focus on right now? This next one is one that I don’t think a lot of people talk about, but it’s so, so important and it’s really going to pay off for you for the rest of your life. Literally, kind of I’ll explain , and it’s learning to be financially responsible. Being single means you have full control over your finances. So take this time to create a budget for yourself. Pay off debt if that’s something you need to do, come up with a plan to do that, or save up for a big purchase, something that you have been looking to buy or to pay for. And if you are not super secure with money and finances and you just, you get a little overwhelmed by it when you are single, now is the time to figure those things out.
Now is the time to learn about your finances. Now is the time to get organized with your finances. You
can read books, you can take classes, you can go on YouTube, you can talk to people who are really good
with their finances and get some ideas on how to better manage your money. And if you’re really good
at this, that’s awesome. If you’re really good at managing your money, that is wonderful. Maybe for you,
it’s gonna be coming up with some kind of financial goal and then a plan for how you’re going to reach
it. But if you learn all this stuff while you are by yourself, then when you come together with somebody
else and you join together financially, it will, it will be a really good thing because you will have a really
good handle on your money and your goals for your money.
And that is gonna be super important when you build a future with someone else. My final tip for
making the most of your single season is simply to take risks. Being single means you have the freedom
to take risks and try new things. You can take advantage of this time and really step out of your comfort
zone and pursue your dreams. So one thing for me is that I always wanted to experience living
somewhere else. I had lived in the town that I grew up in or a, a town close by, lived in the same
probably, you know, 10, 15 mile radius for my entire life. And I just wanted to try something different. I
wanted to go somewhere else and experience what it was like to live somewhere else. So when I got to
the point where I was single and I, my lease was gonna be up on my apartment and I was trying to figure
out what to do next, I thought to myself, this is a perfect time to move outta state, to move somewhere
different and just see how I like it.
And I can tell you, it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made because I, I have gotten so out
of my comfort zone. I am, I moved somewhere where I, you know, I have some family here and I, and I
had a couple friends, but I, for the most part, I really didn’t know anyone. I didn’t really know my way
around. I, I had a lot to explore, a lot of learning to do, and I’ve been able to do that. I have been here in
my new city for almost a year now, and I feel like I’m just kind of getting started. And it’s funny because
even when I go home to visit, it’s nice to go home and visit, but I’m not homesick like I thought I would
be. Of course, I miss my family, but the great thing is it’s, it’s just a short plane ride and I can see them
Either I go there or they come here. So it really wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be. Living
alone is not as scary as I thought it was going to be. I mean, I’ve lived alone for years now, but having my
own home by myself, don’t get me wrong, it was very hard and I had a lot of things that I had to figure
out on my own. But I’m so glad that I’ve had this experience where I moved away, I bought a house by
myself, figured everything out, and I am doing different variations of all these things that I have talked
about in this episode. And it’s just been so cool just to see what’s happened because I had the courage
to risks. A saying that I want you to keep in mind is that you can’t grow from your comfort zone, right?
You have to step out of it in order to evolve and in order to become the person that you are meant to
be. And I’m not saying that you need to move away from your hometown. If that’s where you live right
now and you enjoy living there and you’re happy, no, it’s gonna be different for everybody. For me, that
was something that I wanted to do and I’m really glad I did. For you, it might be something totally
different. The point is just that you allow yourself to do something different, to take a risk, to try
something, to step out of your comfort zone. There is no better time than the present to do that,
especially if you’re in a situation like me where I don’t have attachments in terms of people, I mean, I
have people that I love and I care about, but I don’t have a spouse that I have to consider their job and I
don’t have kids and that I have to consider, you know, where are they gonna go to school and, and this
It was really just me. And I thought, this is the perfect time. I’m gonna do this right now. So to
summarize, these are the 10 ways that you can make the most of your single season. And they are
exploring your interests, traveling, meeting new people, focusing on self-care, setting goals, learning to
enjoy your own company, volunteering, pursuing your career, learning to be financially responsible and
taking risks. I know that getting out of relationships is hard, ending relationships is hard, but I don’t want
you to dread being single there. It, there’s no curse in being single and being in a relationship is not the
cure. It’s okay to be single. It’s great to be single. There are so many things that you can do to really
make the most of this season of your life. And I want you to understand that. And I want you to try some
of these things because a lot of this is not just making the most of your single time, it’s making the most
of your life. It’s so, so important. And I am so glad that you are here to join me for this week’s episode. I
hope it was helpful for you. And if you know someone that you think may really enjoy it and also find it
helpful, I wanna encourage you to share this episode with them. As always, I thank you so much for
being here. I am so grateful for you, and I will see you right back here next week.
ICU nurse by day,
breakup coach by night.
After dealing with a devastating heartbreak that turned my world upside down, I made a conscious decision to pursue the life of my dreams and never settle.
Now, I teach other women how to do the same.
MORE ABOUT ME
FUN FACT: MY FAVORITE PIZZA IS HAWAIIAN (AND I'LL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT IT!)
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”
- Dalai Lama
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