Moving On: Practical Self-Care Ideas for Post-Breakup Healing

Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. So excited to have you here. As always, this week we’re gonna
be talking about self-care, specifically self-care after a breakup. But let’s be honest, these tips and these
ideas you can use any time that you’re in need of some self-care. Now, if you’re anything like me and
you have lots of goals and responsibilities and priorities and lots of different things going on, you may
put self-care on the back burner. I will fully admit that I am one of these people. I tend to forget to take
care of myself in certain ways sometimes. So this was actually pretty helpful for me to be able to do
some research on this and figure out where I am succeeding in certain areas and where I’m maybe
lacking a little bit or I could focus a little bit more of my efforts on.

It’s so interesting because a lot of us work really hard to take care of things like take care of our careers
and our families, but we don’t take nearly as much time to take care of ourselves. It’s funny, I actually
just adopted a dog from the shelter right before Christmas and he was a stray. Um, so I took him in right
before Christmas and it’s been quite an adventure thus far. But I noticed that I am doing so many things
for this dog, like I am getting him all the medications that he needs and I’m buying him the best foods
and I’m buying him all these toys for him to play with and I’m walking him and doing all these things
which you know I should be doing and I’m glad I’m doing them and he’s really thriving now. So I’m super
happy about that.

But it’s interesting because I actually mentioned to my therapist, I was like, I feel like I take way better
care of this dog than I take care of myself. And I’m sure that she asked me why I think that is. And the
truth is, I really don’t know. But if you’re someone that also has pets or kids or a spouse, you may realize
that you are kind of the same way that you take really good care of everyone else in your life that’s
important to you, but you don’t take enough care of yourself. So it’s always important to try to
incorporate different aspects of self-care on a regular basis, right, as a routine. But if you are going
through something like a breakup, it’s going to be extra important because when we go through a
breakup, sometimes we can just start to feel really apathetic and just not care like we used to care.

So it’s important that you remember to care for yourself and you don’t have to do all of these things. Like it doesn’t have to be self-care 24 7 ’cause that’s hard. But if you could just maybe pick one or two things that really work for you that fit in your schedule that you enjoy doing, then it’s really gonna help you get through this process. So let’s hit it. Number one, you probably already know what it is, and that is exercise. , I’m not gonna lie to you, exercise is very hard for me. It’s always been hard for me. It’s hard, especially for me right now because I feel like I’m so busy and I have so many things to do that I don’t have time to exercise. That’s a, some personal trainer somewhere would probably just say that’s an excuse, which it probably is however I’m working on it.

So exercise doesn’t have to be anything crazy. You don’t have to go ham at the gym seven days a week. It doesn’t have to be anything like that. I think I mentioned before in another episode that if your selfcare is just getting up and going for a walk, that’s enough. Sometimes that’s you’re, you’re still releasing endorphins and you are still maintaining some kind of physical activity. So it will help you physically obviously, but it’ll also help you mentally. Lucky for me, I have a little less of an excuse now because I have a dog and the dog needs to go for a walk. So guess what? I’m going for a walk too. . It can also be really tempting during a breakup to want to self isolate. And this is something that I also struggle with. I am naturally introverted. I guess I’m more of an extroverted introvert.

I think that’s a thing where, you know, I can be social and I enjoy being social with other people, but
sometimes I really just wanna be by myself. But if you’re going through a breakup, it’s really important
that you try to maintain some kind of social connection so that you’re not alone ruminating in your
thoughts all the time. And I don’t know if this happens for a lot of other introverted people, but I know a
lot of times it’s like the anticipation of going out and doing something and being social is more anxiety
inducing than actually just doing it. Like most of the time when I do make plans and I do go out, I end up
having a great time and I’m glad that I went. So it’s just a matter of finding social situations that you’re
comfortable being in. If you don’t like being in a huge crowd of people or you don’t like going to parties,
you don’t have to do that.

You can just like go get coffee with a friend or you can implement what we just talked about, exercise
with a friend. You can go for a walk with a friend. So then you are having that social connection and
you’re also getting exercise. So you’re like killing two birds with one stone as they say. Although now
that I think about it, that saying is kind of weird because why would you wanna kill a bird? Let alone two.
Anyway, moving on. The next thing you can consider is taking up a new hobby. And we’ve talked about
this before, or you can pick up an old hobby that maybe you haven’t done in a while. Obviously these
things are activities that bring us joy. Uh, that’s basically what a hobby is. I would say an activity that you
enjoy doing and maybe you don’t have a hobby, maybe you’ve never had one.

You know there are lots of people out there that simply go to work, take care of the responsibilities, do
what they gotta do, and that’s it. They don’t really consider, hey, maybe I should pick up some kind of
activity that’s fun. So if that’s you, maybe just think about something that is interesting to you or
something that you wanna try. And you don’t have to be fantastic at it. It doesn’t. You don’t have to be
amazing at whatever your hobby is in order for it to be your hobby, right? You can just pick something
up and just start practicing at whatever it is. Maybe you wanna learn to play an instrument, so go buy
the instrument or rent one or something. Maybe take some lessons. You know, it’s just getting your
mind on something else. Getting you focused on a new goal, like learning how to play that instrument is
really going to do amazing things for your mental health.

Another important aspect of self-care is relaxation. Now I don’t mean sleeping all day, although that
does sound appealing. Sometimes that’s not what I’m talking about here. Maybe take a bath with some
nice smelling candles or learn how to meditate. There are apps now on your phone that will train you
and teach you how to meditate. This is something that I also recently started practicing and it really is
helpful. It’s just a matter of sticking with it because it does take a little while to, I guess, be able to do it
correctly. Uh, I shouldn’t say correctly, but sometimes it is a struggle just to stay present and to not do
anything. So that’s, that’s what I mean. It just takes some practice to really be able to be still in that way.
Another practice that I really love is yoga. I started doing yoga quite a few years ago now, and I don’t
keep up with it on a daily basis, but I have taken classes and it’s just really, really relaxing.

And even if you’re not a super active person or a super fit person, it’s still, it’s good exercise. You’ll see
that and it feels really good to stretch, but it’s also really good for your brain. I actually, last weekend,
tried goat yoga, which was hilarious. It was so much fun. It was, we went to a farm and did yoga and
there were a bunch of goats kind of moseying around and hanging out with with us while we were doing
the yoga. And it was so fun just to be able to be out there with the animals and be outside and it was
just really relaxing and really fun. So if that’s something that you’ve heard about or you thought about
trying, I would suggest it. It was, it was a lot of fun. If you’re the adventurous type or if you’ve had some
trips on your bucket list, now is a great time to go ahead and take one of those trips, even if it’s just a
little weekend getaway or something like that.

Being in a new place, having different surroundings, being able to explore, that’s gonna be really great
for you as well. Sometimes when we’re going through something that’s really painful, like a breakup, our
world can seem very, very small. So when you get out there and you explore a little bit and you realize
that the world is so vast and there’s so many things to see and there’s so many different cultures to
experience, it really does pick you up a little bit. And just being able to plan the trip is gonna give you
something to look forward to as well. Once again, another thing I’m gonna recommend is seeking
therapy. And you might be like, how many times is this chicken and tell me to go to therapy? But I
promise you, if you haven’t gone, if you’re afraid of going to see a therapist, it is not scary at all.

They’re wonderful people and it will do so much more for you than you could possibly realize. Taking
care of your mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. It means that you are healthy and honestly.
Now, this is just me personally, but if I was on a date with someone and they just casually mentioned
that they’re in therapy, I would, I would think green flag, great. That’s wonderful news because so many
people need it, but they just don’t go get it. So if you’re struggling with your breakup and you have the
means to do so, go see a therapist. This next one is simple but very effective. And that is just to get
outside, get some vitamin D. Now you can combine this with exercise. You can combine this with social
connection and hang out with people and do an activity outside. You can find outdoor hobbies.

It just really does a lot for you mentally to be out in nature and be outdoors. I had these next two listed
separately, but I’m actually gonna combine them because I think they go together. And that is to
practice mindfulness and also practice gratitude. So mindfulness is allowing yourself to be present in the
moment. So if you’re eating, you’re going to be thinking about how the food tastes and how it smells.
And some people might roll their eyes and think, oh, okay, this is a little too woo woo for me. But
seriously, we go through life so quickly sometimes. Like do you ever, you ever drive from one place to
another and you don’t even remember getting there? You don’t even remember the drive at all. It’s
because we’re so distracted and we’re thinking about all these other things. We’re not being present in
the moment.

So that’s all I’m suggesting is that you slow it down a little bit and try to be present in the moment. And
then to combine with that, you can practice gratitude. So you can, whatever it is that you’re doing, you
can be, you know, taking a shower and thinking, I’m so grateful that I have access to clean, warm water.
I’m so grateful that I have this comfortable, warm bed to sleep in and this roof over my head that is
protecting me from the elements, right? There are so many things to be grateful for as you go
throughout the day. So try to purposely acknowledge those things because it’s so easy to forget how
fortunate we really are. In a lot of ways, if you are an anxious person, this will be especially helpful for
you. There is research out there that says that your brain cannot respond to feelings of anxiety and
gratitude at the same time.

And that is because gratitude helps reduce stress hormones. So imagine if you were able to implement
gratitude practice into your everyday life. Do you think that it would make you a little less anxious? It’s
interesting to think about why some of us are wired in this way, where we tend to focus more on what
we lack than what we actually have. So what I’m suggesting to you is that you actually have control over
your thoughts and how you think about things. Now, I’m not saying you have to be a positive poly and
everything is sunshine and rainbows and cupcakes all the time. ’cause that’s just not life, that’s not
realistic. That’s not how the world really is. But you can look at certain situations every single day and
decide how you’re going to feel about them. Now, no one’s gonna sit there who’s going through a really
bad breakup and say, I’m so glad this breakup happened.

This is just what I needed. And no, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is you can, so for example, you’re going through a breakup, look at this situation, and instead of saying something like, why do bad things always happen to me? Why do I always get hurt? Why do I have to deal with so much pain? Why don’t you ask yourself, okay, what does this make possible for me? What does this allow for me to do? Was there a reason that this needed to happen? And your brain loves to answer the questions that you are asking it. So if you ask it questions like that, it’s going to give you answers. Actually, either way, it’s going to give you answers. If you ask yourself, why do these things always happen to me? Your brain is gonna come up with answers like, because I’m not good enough, because I’m too fat, because I’m not pretty enough, because I’m broke, I’m stupid, I don’t deserve it.

And it can go on and on like that. So please do yourself a favor and start asking your brain different
questions. Just like you can feed your body junk, you can feed your brain junk too. You can get that from
outside sources and you can get that internally from within yourself. Your own thoughts can be junk. So
if you’re prone to thinking these junk food type thoughts, then you’re gonna have to do a little bit of
work. It’s not gonna happen overnight, but every time you have a bad thought about yourself or you’re
having a negative question or a question that you know is gonna get a negative answer, think about how
you can reword that or think about how you can change your thoughts. Now this is a practice, so this
does take time, but eventually it does get easier just like anything else that you practice at consistently.

Now, my final tip for practicing self-care, and this one I think is the most fun, and that is working on
personal growth and reflecting on your goals. Now, if you have never thought about your personal
growth and you don’t really have any goals, you’ve never established them, then I want you to do this.
Take a moment or take an hour. I don’t really care. Just ask yourself, what do I want? The crazy thing is,
so many of us never ask ourselves this and why? Why do you think that is? Is it because we don’t think
we deserve the things that we want or we’re not even sure what we want? And if you’re not sure what
you want, why is that? Is it stressful to think about what you want? Now? Why would it be stressful? Do
you feel like the things that you want are maybe materialistic or silly?

I don’t care what it is. Whatever it is that you want is valid, and I want you to write it down, and I want
you to write down as many things that you want as you can think of, and don’t allow yourself to stay
small here. Really think about what are those big, lofty, crazy people would look at you sideways if they
knew goals. Now I think of goals as like the water to us as plants, right? So if you are a plant, you need
water to grow. If you don’t get the water, then you’re going to die. Now, I don’t mean literally, this is just
an analogy, but spiritually, I guess you could say, you will die if you are not watered, if you don’t have
something that is going to allow you to grow and reach higher. So the first step in goal setting is
identifying what you actually want, but you can’t stop there.

If you stop there, then what you have is simply dreams. Now, this might sound kind of corny to you, but
stick with me. If all you have are dreams, you’re not going to get them right. If you, if you wanna win the
lottery and make millions of dollars, that is your internal self saying that you don’t think you’re capable
of earning millions of dollars, that it is something that you could only acquire with a stroke of luck.
Successful people don’t rely on luck. They have goals and they have plans. And I’m not just talking about
success in terms of money, I’m also talking about health success, relationship success. Any area that you
have a goal in, you are going to need a roadmap. If you really wanna be able to track your progress and
really make every day count as you’re working towards your goals, then I want you to go to the
heartbreak nurse.com/goal journal.

I have partnered with this amazing company called Best Self, and they have a journal called The Self
Journal. It’s really cool. It will help you figure out what your goals are and then define certain milestones
that you will get to as you go down the path. And then it’s also gonna help you really get down to your
plans and plan for the weeks ahead and plan for each day. So it’s extremely thorough. And then at the
end of each week, you’ll be able to reflect and write down what worked, what didn’t work, and really
just give you clarity and some perspective that will help keep you motivated as you are going along on
this journey. Studies have shown that simply writing down your goals increases your chances of reaching
them. So if you feel like having a Goal Journal would be helpful for you, then I highly recommend the
best Self journal.

You can find it at theheartbreaknurse.com/goaljournal. Thanks for coming and hanging out with me
this week. Next week we are gonna be talking about the holiday that everybody loves to hate, and that
is Valentine’s Day. Until then, make sure you subscribe to the show so that you never miss a new
episode. And feel free to leave a review. I would so, so appreciate it. If you have a question that you
would like answered on the show, you can always email me, it’s hello@theheartbreaknurse.com, and I
will be glad to help you as best I can. Bye-bye for now.

Are you ready and determined to make this next season of your life the best season of your life? I
believe that any person who is willing to invest in their personal growth has the ability to accomplish
anything, and I wanna give you the tools to make that happen. That’s why I created Heartbreak Hero. It’s
my premier program designed to help high value people just like you heal from their breakup, discover
who they truly are and find their ideal partner. Visit the heartbreaknurse.com to sign up now and get
ready to make your comeback.