Where’s My Valentine?: What to Do While You’re Waiting for the One

Hey there and welcome back to Comeback Class. I’m so excited to have you here for this week’s episode.
If you haven’t already, go ahead and subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode when it
comes out. New episodes are released every Tuesday, and this Tuesday is a little bit special because it is
Valentine’s Day. Now, if you’re currently going through a breakup, you may have been dreading this day,
and I totally understand Valentine’s Day for you may just serve as a reminder that you are no longer in a
relationship, therefore you don’t have a Valentine or you don’t have anyone to celebrate with. But what
I want you to do is just relax and remember that February 14th is just a date on the calendar. It doesn’t
mean anything about you or your worthiness of love or anything like that. So I want you to keep that in
mind.

Some people may even argue that it is a day created by greeting card companies to get you to spend
money, which I think is partially true. I am one of those people that I never hated Valentine’s Day, but I
didn’t consider it to be a big deal either. There tends to be this emphasis on Valentine’s Day to make
these grand gestures like giving someone flowers and chocolate and stuffed animals and things like that.
First of all, I can’t stand stuffed animals as a gift. I think it’s a waste of money. And actually I love flowers,
but flowers die, right? They don’t. They don’t live that long. And for me personally, I think, you know, I
can go buy flowers myself. I can go buy chocolates myself. That’s not really a big deal. And the thing is, if
that is the one day a year where you are maybe receiving those things or getting a little extra attention
from your partner, that’s kind of like, that’s kind of whack to me.

Not that you have to do the these things for each other every single day, but if you’re someone who
loves flowers and your partner knows that you love flowers, then they shouldn’t just be getting you
flowers on Valentine’s Day. It should be more of a a regular thing. And you definitely should not have to
wait for this one day a year to feel extra loved. You should be feeling that love all the time. And
Valentine’s Day is not just about celebrating your love with your romantic partner. You can celebrate
your kids or your pets or your friends. It’s just a day to celebrate love in general, whoever it is in your life
that you love. And it’s just supposed to be a a sweet, fun, celebratory day. But I think people put way
too much emphasis on it, both in the regard that people go all out for Valentine’s Day, and then also
some people who just absolutely hate it and they decide to be miserable on Valentine’s Day.

So you can decide how it is that you are going to feel about today. I can tell you that my Valentine this
year has four legs and a tail, and he’s the most handsome boy I ever met, and I’m so happy that he’s in
my life. So I’m gonna celebrate him today. Now, if you’re in a place where you are looking to be in a
long-term committed relationship, I want to give you some things that you can do so that you can
prepare for that person when it’s time for them to arrive. The truth is, we never know when this person
is going to arrive in our lives. And oftentimes the best relationships are the ones that come to us totally
unexpected. But in the meantime, while you’re waiting, what I don’t want you to do is just be
unintentional about the way that you’re dating or the way that you are looking for a partner.

A lot of us may just jump on apps and kind of go out with whoever, or maybe we’re focused on the
wrong things, like solely looks. So I wanna give you some different strategies that you can use while you
are in this season of your life where you’re single, but you’re also looking for your forever partner. So
the thing that I will always recommend that you do first before you enter into a relationship with
someone else is to of course work on yourself. And that’s because regardless of how great your
relationship is with someone else, if you don’t love yourself or you don’t like yourself, you’re going to be
dependent on that person to make you feel loved and to feel worthy of love. So you need to establish
that with yourself first. So working on your own self-esteem and your own self-confidence is going to be
the priority right now.

So for me personally, I at this point in my life know what kind of person I am. I know that I have good
character and good morals and that I am very secure with, but sometimes I do have a little bit of self-consciousness when it comes to my looks and my weight, which I know this is common for a lot of
people, and that’s why I’m being so transparent about this. When I, when I have gained weight or when I
don’t look my best, I don’t feel my best. So for me, being able to work on my self-esteem and my
confidence means working on my health, both internally and then also taking care of my physical body.
Now, this may not be the case for you. You may be shy, and that’s just a part of your personality that has
been challenging for you.

So for you working on your self-confidence and not being so scared to talk to people, that might be what
you need to do to build up your self-esteem. So the first step here might be to identify what it is that
might be causing you to have lower self-esteem or lower self-confidence and what you can do to
improve that. But regardless of what it is that you struggle with, it’s important to work on these things
now, because being in a relationship is not going to make them disappear. It’s important to not rely on
someone else to provide you with self-esteem or self-confidence. So that’s why I really want you to
focus on building these muscles ahead of time. Now, when it comes to looking for a partner, it really
blows my mind how many people don’t actually sit and think about what it is that they want in another
person.

For some people, just having another person or another warm body, so to speak, to be in a relationship
with them is enough. And personally, I think that’s just crazy. When you date without having intentions,
that’s when you settle for less than what you deserve and less than what you really want. So it’s super
important that you identify the qualities and the values that you’re looking for in a relationship and in a
partner before you start dating or before you continue dating. So the easiest way to do this is just with
your old pen and piece of paper and sit down and write a list of everything that you’re looking for in a
partner from looks to personality to interests. And I want you to write it out just like you are writing out
your grocery list. Now, some people could argue that this is just being picky, but I don’t see it that way.

I see it as being very intentional because like I’ve said before, you only get one life. And if you wanna be
in a loving, committed relationship for the rest of your life, then you want to be with someone that
possesses the qualities that you are looking for, that compliment yours. But also you wanna be in a
relationship that elevates you and enhances your life. And you should also have a list of nonnegotiables. If you know that there are things that you want in life, then you should not be settling for a
partner that doesn’t want those things. For example, if you know that one day you want to have kids,
then you need to make sure you’re not wasting your time dating somebody who 100% does not want
children, or they’re not sure about it. If you go into a relationship not considering your non-negotiables,
then you’re going to spend a lot of time trying to maybe convince that person to want what you want.

And those type of situations never work out. And I want you to remember that when somebody tells
you that they don’t want something, you need to believe them. They’re entitled to want what they
want, and you are entitled to want what you want. But you have to recognize quickly if those two things
do not match up now in order to find this person the right person that you’re looking for, you’re going to
need to be willing to meet new people and be open to new experiences. Now, I will admit, this is
something that is hard for me. I mentioned before that I am introverted and I also recently bought a
house. So most of my weekends I am doing things around my house, but the reality is I’m not going to
meet anyone unless I actually get out outside of my house and put myself out there.

I was listening to this other relationship influencer on Instagram, and he said, if you wanna find a
spouse, you have to leave the house. And it’s, it’s silly and it’s simple, but it’s so true. You know, you’re
not the, the man or woman of your dreams is not going to, you know, break into your house or come
flying down the chimney like Santa Claus. Like you actually have to go out and meet people. Now, the
luxury that we do have in this modern age is online dating, which makes it a little bit easier if you’re not
super extroverted or super social. You can go on an app and and meet someone that way. But even
then, you still have to be willing to talk and have a conversation with someone, and you have to be
willing to go out and meet them physically. So if you’re introverted or maybe you’re a little bit shy,
online dating is a great way to break the ice.

But then I would suggest that you actually meet this person in real life sooner rather than later. And
that’s so that you can really get a feel for their personality and the kind of person they are so that you
can either decide if you wanna keep seeing them or you need to just move on to the next person. As
you’re navigating the dating scene and being open and meeting new people, you wanna be honest
about the things that you’re looking for. Now, you don’t need to read them the list of all the things that
you’re looking for and, and just ask them if they check all those boxes, because number one, that’s kind
of weird and off-putting, but also it’s just not necessary. You can know what you’re looking for, get a feel
for that person and then decide. But remember that while you’re doing this, it’s not just about you, it’s
also about them.

When you’re dating someone or you’re going out on dates, you also wanna make sure that you’re being
a good listener and that you’re genuinely showing an interest in what they have to say and that you’re
practicing active listening, that it’s not just all about you and what you want. You also wanna know what
they’re looking for. Even if you go out with someone and you have a conversation and you realize that
you’re just not a match, I mean, worst case scenario, you could just end up having a nice interesting
conversation with someone and you may end up being friends, or you may have a friend that you think
might be more fitting for them. You just never know. So just be willing, be honest about what you want
and let them be honest about what they want, and you never know. Now, I suppose the actual worst
case scenario would be that the date was horrible and you can’t stand this person and you never wanna
see them again.

That happens sometimes. So if that’s the case, then don’t consider it a total loss because you were still
working on your communication skills and working on active listening and things like that. So you are
getting better at something, so you don’t have to see it as a total fail. You just think, okay, that person
wasn’t for me at all. I’m just gonna move on to the next one. Just because you have one bad date does
not mean that you need to be discouraged. You can go out to a restaurant and order something for
dinner and it wasn’t good. It really didn’t hit the spot and you really didn’t like it. It doesn’t mean that
you’re never going to eat again. It just means that you’re not gonna have that meal again. You might still
go to that restaurant, you’ll just order something different. The point is just to have fun, and even if it
just ends up being a really funny story about a really terrible date that you had, then that’s okay.

In an ideal world, you will meet somebody that you really like. You’ll go on a date with them. It’s
fantastic. You keep going on dates, you end up being in a relationship and everything is wonderful.
That’s like best case scenario, but it usually doesn’t happen like that. Sometimes it takes a while to find
the right person, but for every person that it doesn’t work out with or for every date that it doesn’t end
great, you are just moving closer to the person and the relationship that is right for you. Now, as you’re
going through this season of your life, you do have options for how you want to view it. You can either
rush through it and date as many people as you can and meet as many people as you can and try to
meet the one as quickly as possible. But when you do that, you’re doing it out of a place of desperation,
even though you may not be meaning to.

And again, when you do things out of desperation, that’s when you end up settling, settling for less than
what you deserve and less than what you want. The key is just to be patient and to know and to trust
that the right person will show up when they’re supposed to show up. And if you do all these things to
prepare for them, then everything is going to work out the way that you want it to. So if you’re single
this Valentine’s Day, and maybe you’re a little bit down in the dumps about it, or you are just waiting for
your forever partner, I want you to do the following things. While you’re in in this season, you wanna be
working on your self-esteem and your self-confidence. Building a healthy sense of self-worth is gonna be really important in not only attracting someone, but also being able to maintain a healthy relationship.

Figure out what’s important to you, your goals, your values, what this person’s goals and values and
morals are. Establish what your non-negotiables are so that you’re not wasting time dating someone
who is not aligned with the things that you want. Keep these things on the forefront of your mind, and
remember when someone tells you something, you need to believe them. If they tell you that they don’t
want something and you know that you do, or if you don’t want something and they know that they do,
you need to listen and you need to accept that. Allow yourself to be open to new experiences and
meeting new people, even if it’s something that is uncomfortable for you. It’s something that you will
have to do if you wanna meet people. Like we said, you have to leave your house if you wanna find a
spouse, so get out there.

It’s not that scary. I’m gonna be doing it too. While you’re out there, practice your communication skills.
Effective communication is so key in any relationship, so working on these skills is gonna be so beneficial
for you. Also, be a good listener when you’re out there meeting people. Show a genuine interest in what
it is that they’re saying and what their interests are. This will help you build strong relationships, both
romantically and also friendships. Practice being open and honest, because being authentic and being
genuine is what will attract other people that are authentic and genuine into your life. Being honest and
building trust are going to be essential for creating a strong foundation for a relationship. Be patient and
remember that finding the right person can take time, but it’s important that you don’t settle for less
than what you want. Remember to be intentional and to be confident that what you want is out there
and it is coming.

And don’t forget that relationships are supposed to be fun. They’re supposed to be enjoyable, so make
sure that you’re having fun on this journey. Enjoy it, and don’t take it so seriously that it is causing you
stress. Remember that Valentine’s Day is just a day. It doesn’t mean anything about you. It doesn’t mean
that if you don’t have someone that you’re not worthy of love or that you don’t deserve someone or
that you’re never going to find anyone. It’s just a day to celebrate love. So make sure that you are
celebrating love for whoever it is in your life, whether it be your kids, your pets, your parents, yourself.
There is someone that you can love on a little extra today. And if no one’s told you yet today, I love you.
I care about you, I’m so glad that you’re here and you will be okay.

If you’re in need of some help and you want my advice, I want you to send an email to
hello@theheartbreaknurse.com. I’ll be taking questions there to answer on the show. Of course, they
will be anonymous, but you can send those questions to hello@theheartbreaknurse.com, and I will be
more than happy to help you. That’s it for this episode. I’ll see you next week.

Are you ready and determined to make this next season of your life the best season of your life? I believe that any person who is willing to invest in their personal growth has the ability to accomplish anything, and I wanna give you the tools to make that happen. That’s why I created Heartbreak Hero. It’s my premier program designed to help high value people just like you heal from their breakup, discover who they truly are and find their ideal partner. Visit theheartbreaknurse.com to sign up now and get ready to make your comeback.