Welcome back to Comeback Class. So excited to have you here with me this week. If you haven’t done
so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button so that you never miss a new episode. And if you’re
really enjoying this podcast, if you love it, please leave me a review wherever you are a listener, and
share it with someone else who you feel may really enjoy it as well. This week I wanna talk to you about
some signs that may indicate that it’s time to consider breaking up with your significant other. And if
you’re already broken up, then these things may give you some clarity that that was probably what was
necessary and probably the right thing to do. And I just wanna note that just because your relationship
may include one of these signs, it doesn’t mean that you absolutely have to go ahead and break up with
this person, but these are some really important factors to consider when you are thinking about
whether or not you should stay in a relationship or whether you should leave.
Keep in mind that the decision to break up with someone is a very personal one, and you are the only
one that can determine whether or not it is the right choice for you. So when we hear the terms break
up separation, divorce, we tend to have this negative connotation with it, right? They’re synonymous
with being sad and being heartbroken and hurting and pain and those kinds of things. But here’s the
thing, a lot of times endings are difficult. They’re also necessary endings, just like beginnings are a
natural part of life. Most things will end at some point. Even our lives will end at some point, and that is
just the nature of how life works. And because we know that our lives will end one day, that’s why it’s so
important to live with intention, to do everything with purpose and to live in a way that when you get to
the end of your life, you can say, I did everything that I wanted to do and I experienced everything that I
wanted to experience, and I gave everything that I wanted to give in order to live a life that’s full of
purpose and intention.
Sometimes we need to end certain things like relationships, jobs, living situations, et cetera, so that we
are able to grow. There’s a really fantastic book that opened my eyes to this idea, and that is a book by
Dr. Henry Cloud. He’s written a lot of really great books, but my favorite probably is one that’s called
Necessary Endings. And the subtitle of the book is the Employees Businesses and Relationships that All
of us have to give up in order to move forward in it. He says, endings are not only a part of life, they are
a requirement for living and thriving professionally and personally. Being alive requires that we
sometimes kill off things which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured and tear
down what we built for an earlier time. He uses a metaphor about the gardener and the Rose Bush. And
what he says is that as a gardener, if you’re trying to grow Rose Bush, you need to prune the bush,
meaning you need to cut off dead or sick branches that are going stifle the potential of the bush to really
So just as the gardener needs to prune the bush in order for it to grow, we need to prune certain
relationships in order for us to grow and to live up to our full potential and grow into that vision for our
life. So when it comes to romantic relationships and partnerships, these are some signs that maybe it’s
time to prune the bush. Number one is somewhat of an obvious one, but it is a lack of trust. If you have
lost trust in your partner, you feel like you can’t rely on them, then that’s a huge problem. Being able to
trust the person that you are in a relationship with is really essential to having a healthy relationship. If
there is a lack of trust, then you are going to be in a constant state of anxiety and constantly worrying if
they’re doing the right thing, if they’re going to do the right thing, if you can depend on them, if they’re
going to be there when you need them, and you shouldn’t have to live in that state for the entirety of
your relationship or the entirety of your life.
So if there’s not a lot of trust there, that’s a big red flag and a big sign that you probably should end the
relationship. Number two is constant conflict. If you find that you and your partner are constantly
arguing, fighting, disagreeing, it may be a sign that things are not working out. Now, sometimes these
are situational and you are going through a rough patch because of something external that is going on,
but if it appears to be an ongoing problem or everything is good for a little while, and then it’s back to
fighting, and then it’s okay, and then it’s back to fighting, you’re getting into a really unhealthy dynamic.
So that’s another huge sign that this might not be the person for you, because the person that is for you,
the person that you are meant to be with, you’re not going to be fighting with constantly.
You’re going to have disagreements and you’re going to argue, but it is not a central part of your
relationship. And not only that, but when you do argue, you should be able to argue constructively so
that there is a solution to the problem. You should be able to collaborate together, understand that it’s a
problem that you should tackle together, and that you are not fighting against one another. Number
three is having different life goals. If you and your partner have different ideas about what you want
from life and your goals are just not compatible, it may be time to consider moving on. And sometimes
you can be with someone for a long time and your goals are compatible and you do want the same
things, and then maybe one person changes, or both people change, and now you don’t want the same
things. The problem is when we realize this, but we choose not to do anything about it, we choose to
Instead, we hope that this person will change their mind about their goals or what it is that they want
and, and hope that they will align with what we want. And I’m just telling you, you can waste so much
time living in this space and thinking like this, and you can have different goals than your partner, and
they can have their own goals that maybe you’re not super interested in pursuing. But if you wanna be
together long term and you want it to last, then you’re going to have to be able to be supportive of each
other’s goals. But in terms of goals for the relationship, those have to align. Those have to be the same.
You have to have the same vision. Let’s just say one person really, really wants to get married, and the
other person knows for a fact that they do not wanna get married, then that’s a big issue, right?
It’s likely going to be a point of contention that may lead you to having that constant conflict and, and
fighting and arguing all the time. So even though it may feel like you wanna wait it out, you have to ask
yourself, how much time am I willing to spend waiting? How much time am I willing to potentially waste
here? Number four is a lack of communication. And as I’ve said before, communication is an integral
part of a healthy relationship. Without it, it’s, it’s just going to be very difficult to operate as a team. If
you cannot communicate with each other effectively and productively, and some people are just not
great or not skilled at communication, and they may shut down, they may disappear, they may give you
the silent treatment, and that’s, that’s not a healthy, mature way of handling confrontation. The same
thing goes for screaming and yelling.
That’s not a healthy way to communicate about a situation either. So you have to be able to talk to each
other in a calm manner and really be willing to talk things out and get to what the root of the problem
is. Number four is a lack of respect or feeling like you are being disrespected. And this is a big one. You
just like trust. There has to be respect in a relationship from both sides. You should be working together
as a team. You should not be putting each other down. And sometimes people don’t even know when
they’re being disrespected, and it takes someone else who is outside the relationship to say, Hmm, you
know what? I don’t really like the way that he talks to you, or, I don’t really like the way that she talks to
you. And it’s important to know that no relationship can be healthy and can thrive when there is
When there’s disrespect and a lack of trust. There’s just no way that the relationship can be successful.
Number six is simply feeling unhappy. And this is if you are constantly, consistently unhappy in the
relationship and you don’t see a way for that to change. The saddest thing is when people make excuses
for why they won’t end a relationship, even though they are unhappy a majority of the time, and it could
be because they’ve already been together for so long, or they’re afraid of being alone or because they
have kids together or whatever it may be. Now, like I said, the decision to end a relationship is a very
personal one, and you’re the only one who knows whether or not that’s the right decision. And whether
or not that is something that you need to do, but also sometimes you know what the right decision is,
you know that that’s probably what you should do, but you just won’t do it.
And I see so many people fall into this category. They know that the relationship is not going well. It
hasn’t been going well for a long time. They’re very unhappy, but they just won’t end it. And it’s mostly
out of fear. But if you dream of having a wonderful, healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship, and you stay
in a situation that is pretty much the opposite of that, you are guaranteeing yourself that you’re not
going to get what you want. When you stay in a situation like this, you are denying yourself the
opportunity of actually having those things that you want and that you deserve. Does it mean that
you’re bad people if you choose to stay in a relationship where you’re both unhappy? No, of course it
doesn’t. But you just have to ask yourself whether it’s worth it and whether or not you both might be
better off just doing life separately.
Number seven is having different priorities. Just like having different life goals, it’s really important that
your priorities are aligned, especially if you wanna be in a relationship long-term, potentially forever. If
your partner’s priorities are not aligned with yours, that’s another sign that the relationship is probably
not going to work out, or it probably shouldn’t work out long term. Basically, if what’s important to you
is not important to them or vice versa, it’s going to be very difficult for you to operate as one unit
because you’re both gonna be going in two different directions, and people will show you their priorities
by how they spend their time. So let’s say that you’re someone who’s very focused on your goals and
you spend a lot of time working on them, but the person that you’re with, they’re not really interested
in having goals or in growing at all, and they kind of just wanna kick back and party with their friends
every weekend and go out and have a good time and stay out till four o’clock in the morning.
Now, I’m not saying that one person is better than the other. I mean, I’m definitely the former, but I
wouldn’t say that the person that wants to go out and party all the time is quote unquote bad. But those
two people have very different priorities, and it, it’s, it’s going to, you’re gonna end up in a place where
you start having these other issues, like the constant conflict, different life goals, your communication’s
probably gonna suck. So it’s just gonna be really hard to maintain a relationship. Like I said, when you’re
both just going in different directions, sign number eight is infidelity. And this stirs up a lot for a lot of
people. I wanna say that, as I’ve said already a couple times, that it, this is very personal when you
decide to break up with someone or you decide to end a relationship, and so is how you choose to deal
with your partner being unfaithful or cheating on you.
So for some people, if, if it’s like an isolated incident, they may decide to work on things and figure it
out, or sometimes it happens a few times and they decide to work on things and try to figure it out. But
the, the key and the thing is, if it’s happened or it’s happening, hopefully it’s it, if it was a one-time thing,
it’s over and done. But if it happened and you cannot forgive the other person and you cannot move
past it, you feel betrayed, then you probably should end the relationship because if you try to force it or
you say that you’ve forgiven them and you’ve moved, moved past it, and you’re fine, but you’re really
not, you’re going to start harboring a lot of resentment and it’s gonna build up and it’s gonna gonna
build up, and it’s gonna build a lot of tension, and it’s, it things are, are just gonna be miserable for the
both of you.
So, like I said, again, personal decision, totally up to you, but it’s definitely going to throw a wrench, a
major wrench in your relationship sign. Number nine is a lack of intimacy. And this can both be physical
and emotional, obviously, physical intimacy and, and feeling connected to your partner in that way is
important, but it’s also emotional Intimacy is super important. And if you don’t feel connected to them,
that’s gonna be, it’s gonna be really hard to maintain a relationship when you, when you don’t have that
connection, it’s, you know, intimacy can kind of come and go and it ebbs and flows, and sometimes
you’re feeling connected in that way, and sometimes you’re not. But if it’s something that’s extended
over a long period of time and it just doesn’t seem to be getting any better, then it’s just something to
consider when you’re looking at all the factors and whether or not you should stay in a relationship or
whether you should go, is it that we just need to work on rebuilding that connection with each other?
Or is it just gone? Is it just faded and it’s just, we both just don’t feel that way anymore, which happens
sometimes. Number 10 is just feeling stuck. If you’re feel, if you feel like you’re not growing in the
relationship, you’re not developing as a person, that the two of you are not really growing together,
then that might be a sign that it’s time to move on. Your relationship shouldn’t feel like a chore, right?
It’s not like, do the dishes, do the laundry, hang out with my boyfriend for two hours. Like, you should
be excited to spend time with this person. And it’s not, you know, when you first start dating somebody
and you’re just totally obsessed with them and, and, and that whole thing in the beginning, it’s, it
doesn’t have to feel like that all the time, and it’s probably not going to, but if you’re at the point where
you’re kind of just coexisting as a couple, but it’s, that’s really all that that, that there is, again, you’ve
just gotta ask yourself, am I okay with living like this?
Am I, am I complacent? Am I content and that’s fine? Or do I want something more? Do I want
something better for myself and for my life? Making the decision to break up with someone or to end a
relationship can be extremely hard, especially when there are other factors, a lot of other factors
involved. Maybe, you know, you have, maybe there’s a lot of logistics involved, which, you know, like I
mentioned, I feel like some people stay in relationships that are not good simply because of logistics.
And I, I mean, it, it really depends on the individual and the couple and, and how much they really care
about having fulfillment in their lives. But if you’re listening to this, I’m guessing it’s because you do want
a healthy, fulfilling relationship. So if these signs are, if you feel like you’ve seen a lot of these signs in
your relationship, I just want you to really think about what it is that you want for your life and what,
what you want your relationship to look like.
And if you feel like you are not going to get that in the situation that you’re in, then maybe it’s time to
consider ending it and, and moving on. And what I don’t want you to do is operate from a place of fear,
because we’re always going to have fear of the unknown. We’re always going to have fear about what
we don’t understand or about the future and what might happen or what might not happen. ’cause
you’re never going to be able to predict the future. You’re just not, but you’re not going to give yourself
the chance and the opportunity to have the life and have the things that you really want if you stay in
situations like this that are kind of lackluster or that kind of just suck. And it does take a lot of courage to
do these things, to end relationships, to end situations that are not working.
But I truly think if you allow yourself to have that courage and to do hard things, that you will reap the
benefits there. There will be something on the other side of making these really difficult decisions that
will make you understand why you had to make them. So that’s it for this episode. If you enjoyed it, if
you have a loved one, family member, friend that you feel may need this information, need to hear this
stuff, then go ahead and send it to them. I would love to have them join this amazing community of
awesome people who are gonna do amazing things with their lives and are already doing amazing
things. Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you next week.
Are you ready and determined to make this next season of your life the best season of your life? I believe that any person who is willing to invest in their personal growth has the ability to accomplish anything. And I wanna give you the tools to make that happen. That’s why I created Heartbreak Hero. It’s my premier program designed to help high value people just like you heal from their breakup, discover who they truly are and find their ideal partner. Visit theheartbreaknurse.com to sign up now and get ready to make your comeback.
ICU nurse by day,
breakup coach by night.
After dealing with a devastating heartbreak that turned my world upside down, I made a conscious decision to pursue the life of my dreams and never settle.
Now, I teach other women how to do the same.
MORE ABOUT ME
FUN FACT: MY FAVORITE PIZZA IS HAWAIIAN (AND I'LL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT IT!)
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”
- Dalai Lama
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