The Power of “No”: How to Handle Rejection

Welcome back to the podcast. So excited to have you here. Once again, if you haven’t already, make
sure you go ahead and hit that subscribe button so that you never miss a new episode. This week, I
wanna talk to you about something that we all struggle with at some time or another in our lives, and
that is rejection. We get rejected from partners or people we want to date. We get rejections from jobs,
we get rejected, maybe from people who we wanna be friends with when we’re young. Rejection is
going to happen. And although it will happen to each one of us at some time or another, it’s still painful.
It still hurts. But I want you to understand that rejection, while it’s very difficult in the moment, in the
time when you are being rejected, it’s usually for a reason. It’s almost always for a reason.

That feeling of rejection or being hurt or let down is a big reason why I created this podcast and why I
called it comeback class. Because it is those moments in our lives, although incredibly painful
sometimes, and incredibly difficult. Those are the moments that really shape who we are and really
shape our character. And if you utilize that time correctly, if you choose to look at this rejection, maybe
think about it in a different way. So instead of thinking, why did this happen to me, you think, okay, this
stinks, but what does this make possible for me? You can really make some amazing strides and changes
in your life and really just take that bowl full of lemons and make some lemonade. I wanna share a
quote with you. And it says, so often in life, the seasons that feel like setbacks are actually set ups for
what we’re called to do.

And that is from Jamie Kern Lima. And actually it was an interview with her where I heard her say this,
that inspired me to make this episode. I was watching some YouTube videos, and I came across an
interview with her on Mel Robbins podcast, who I love. So I was listening to Jamie’s story and I had
heard her name before, but I didn’t really know who she was, but she is the founder of IT Cosmetics. So I
watched her interview and I really enjoyed it. So I went ahead and bought her book, which is called
Believe It. I’ll put it in the show notes if you wanna read it too. But basically, it is her story of how she
had this problem. She had rosacea and she was working on in television, and she wanted to come up
with something to fix her problem to some kind of makeup to cover the redness on her face.

So she created it cosmetics in her living room. She and her husband worked their butts off to get the
company off the ground. And she kept hearing no after, no, after, no, after, no. And long story short, I
don’t wanna give you all the details because I, I do suggest reading the book, but basically a, a handful of
years ago, she did sell that company. She sold it cosmetics to L’Oreal for $1.2 billion, cash, that’s billion
with a B. And she became the first female c e o in the history of L’Oreal. So now, there was a lot that
happened between when she started and when she got to where she is now. And she, she has a really
beautiful story, and she’s had a lot of different things happen to her throughout her life. And it’s, it’s
super interesting. But I was so inspired listening to her because we, we hear a lot of successful people
talk about, you know, all the, the hardships and you gotta get back up and don’t give up and keep going
and blah, blah, blah.

But she actually talked about these specific moments where people looked at her one time and one
time specifically where she was pitching her product to an investor, I believe. And the guy told her that
he just didn’t think people would buy makeup from her because of the way that she looked and because
of her weight. And it’s like, it, I, I felt like, wow, that’s, that hurts. Like that’s, you can’t get, get much
more of a rejection than that. But she persisted and she kept going and she did some really big things
with her company, and she also really did some really big things for the beauty industry. She was really
one of the pioneers in showing women who didn’t look like the stereotypical models. She had women of
all ages and sizes and different skin types, and she really made a lot of change in that industry.

So anyway, go ahead and read that book if that’s something that you’re interested in. But I just was
really inspired by her story and hearing about all the times that she was told no, and that she was
rejected, and how she really overcame that and really created something so spectacular. I’m gonna put
it out there in the universe right now. One day I will have Jamie on this show and she’ll be able to tell
you her story herself. But for now, that’s the, that’s my little synopsis of, of her book. So if you’re in a
place right now where you are feeling rejected and you’re hurting and you don’t know how to get over
it, I wanna give you some tips. So first you wanna just allow yourself to feel the emotions. Some, so
many times we suppress our emotions and we think, I’m not supposed to feel this way.

I’m not supposed to feel this way, just get over it. But it’s totally normal to feel upset or disappointed or
even angry when you are faced with rejection. Just acknowledge your feelings for what they are and
accept them and allow yourself to experience them. If we were only meant to be happy and content all
the time, then we wouldn’t be able to develop certain aspects of our character like empathy. It’s, it’s not
a coincidence. I don’t think that people who have gone through the most stuff are, are honestly the
most empathetic and genuine people because they know what it’s like to feel pain and they know what
it’s like to feel hurt. And so they go out of their way to make sure that other people don’t feel that way.
And I think, you know, we could definitely use a more empathetic world out there.

So understand that you’re, you’re going to have ups and downs. You’re going to have acceptance, and
you’re going to have rejection. You’re going to have times where everything is going really great, and
then you’re gonna have times where things are not going so great. But when they’re not going great, it’s
okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel disappointed, upset, angry. It can be tempting when you’re feeling
rejected to go into this mode of self-loathing where you hate yourself. And all you can think about is all
the things that are wrong with you, or you’re thinking about all the things that this other person could
think is wrong with you. So it’s really important that if you’re feeling rejected, you’re practicing self-care
that’s physically, emotionally, mentally. So we’ve talked about self-care many, many times, but things
like getting enough sleep, eating healthy, getting some exercise, engaging in activities that are going to
lift your spirits, seeking counseling, if that’s something that you need, you have to prioritize your selfcare because like they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

So you have to fill yourself up in order to fill others up. Although it can be really difficult. You also don’t
want to take it too personally. Just remember that rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person.
Okay? Someone’s rejection of you does not determine the kind of person that you are. It may hurt, but
understand that it doesn’t mean anything about you. This is especially hard when you are dealing with
romantic situations or relationships and someone tells you that they are not interested in you or that
they wanna break up with you or they don’t wanna be with you anymore. You can feel instant rejection
and think, oh my gosh, what is wrong with me? What did I do? Like, what don’t they like about me? I
don’t understand. And it’s, you just have to remember that it’s not a reflection of you.

It may have had to do with them and where they’re at in this time in their lives. Or even if they do think
that you’re just not compatible and maybe you are not the person that they see themself with in a longterm relationship, then you clinging to this sense of rejection. It’s going to make you try to do things to convince them otherwise or convince them that you are the person that they should be in a relationship with. And that’s when we get into really murky waters. And when we start doing all these things that, you know, we’re probably not gonna be super thrilled with ourselves for later. So just remember, you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole if it doesn’t matter how much you want to be with someone. If that person is not on the same page as you, then there’s no sense in trying to to fight it, right?

There’s no sense in trying to getting them to change your mind because chances are you’re just gonna
end up wasting a lot of time. And even if they do decide to agree and maybe take you back or whatever,
do you really wanna be with someone who is with you because they feel bad, they feel guilty, they have
pity for you? No, probably not. If you feel rejection from maybe a job or an opportunity, look for lessons
or insights that you can gain from the rejection. You can use this as an opportunity to grow and improve
or maybe change course, or you can simply use it as fuel, use it as motivation to keep going and to, to
tell yourself that you’re not going to give up. Like that was one of the things that really inspired me
about Jamie’s story, is that no matter how many times she was told no, she kept going.

She didn’t give up. She had this vision of changing the way we think about beauty and beauty products
and the way that they’re marketed. And she was so passionate about it. She, you know, it hurt a lot to
hear all those noss, but she was so inspired by her purpose that she kept going. And the best part is that
all of the things that ended up happening for her were a result most of the time of the nos that she got
that hap that happens so much, you hear about this, like all of these successful people or these really
memorable people, they were constantly getting rejected because they were then being led to
something that was even bigger or even greater than they could have imagined. And I think this is
possible for all of us, for any of us, but we just have to believe that it’s true.

And understand that rejection is often a redirection. Or if you’re spiritual, I often think of the phrase
rejection is God’s protection. So there’s something more for you out there, and you just have to believe
that this is not a setback, but it’s really a setup for what I’m meant to be doing. Just like practicing selfcare, something that I’ve spoken about a lot is seeking support from friends, family members, a
therapist. Just having someone to listen and offer some perspective can definitely help you process your
emotions and be able to move forward. And chances are, like I said, so many of us, probably every single
one of us is going to face rejection at some point. So anyone you talk to can, it probably has a story that
is relatable and they can understand where you’re coming from and they can share their story with you
about their rejection.

And you’ll understand that it happens to everyone, it happens to us all, and it doesn’t mean anything about you. Another phrase that kind of bounces around my head a lot is this. And it’s, if it’s not going to matter five years from now, then don’t spend more than five minutes of your time thinking about it. So I usually think of this when I’m really mad about something like, I don’t know, maybe if someone cuts me off in traffic and I get really mad, and then I’m like, okay, five years from now, is this going to matter? No, it’s not. Okay, move on, . And it’s, it’s super helpful, but it can also be helpful in the area of rejection. So let’s say I found a job posting that I’m really interested in, and I really want this job, and I do all this research about it, and I prepare for the interview and I get the interview, and then they tell me I didn’t get the job again.

I think, okay, five years from now, am I going to care about this ? Probably not. I’ll probably end up having a different job and everything will have panned out. So if you tend to get stuck on stuff like that, then try thinking that, try remembering that, that if it’s not gonna matter and five years, then you shouldn’t waste more than five minutes thinking about it. When you start to reprogram your brain to think this way, when you start looking at your setbacks as setups and your rejection as redirection, and I’m not trying to talk in riddles here, but just so happens that these, these all kind of start with the same letter. But when you start to see circumstances this way and you start to see the world this way, then it is going to change your mindset. And you are growing into that, what we call the growth mindset, as opposed to the fixed mindset that things are happening for you as opposed to happening to you.

And I certainly don’t wanna downplay how difficult rejection is because I know it’s hard. And you are
gonna have to get through the weeds. You’re gonna have to walk that path for a little while and, and
feel that pain because it’s necessary. It’s necessary for you to grow, but understand that it’s not going to
last forever. That eventually things will make sense. And you’ll have clarity. Like, have you ever thought
about someone that you used to date that you just thought was like the end all be all? Like they were
just the cat’s meow. You, you were obsessed with them, whatever. I’m sure we’ve all had this
experience, especially, you know, being younger and just thinking that this is the best thing that ever
happened to us, and there can’t possibly be anything better. And then you get a little bit older and you
look back and you think, oh my goodness, I’m so glad I did not end up with that person.

Or I did not end up staying in that situation. It happens all the time, and it’s happened to me. I think about that too. I think about things in my past and maybe people I dated, or people I was friends with or whatever. And now that I’m, you know, in my thirties, I’m like, Ugh, I’m really glad that didn’t work out. That was for a reason. I’m, that makes a lot of sense. Now. They say hindsight is 2020, and I think that could not be more true. I have a lot of sayings for some reason in this week’s episode. , did you write all these down? No, but seriously, I sometimes, you know, I just, I hear this, these things once, and then they just stick in my head forever and then I just replay them when I need them. But it’s so true. It’s, we never realize what we need at the time when we need it.

It’s always later. So here’s the most important thing that I can tell you about rejection. You basically
have two options when you get rejected, right? You can feed into it. You can think and accept that you
deserve this rejection, that there’s something wrong with you, that you’re doing something wrong. You
can choose to think that it is the end of your story, your journey, that you’re not going to get what you
want, that you’re a failure. You can choose to think all of those things if you want to. Is it going to
benefit you? No, of course it’s not. Or you can choose to think about what does this make possible for
me? How can I turn this into a story of how I overcame something in the future? Am I going to look back
at this and maybe be grateful that this happened? Or if not that, will I have more clarity about the
situation and understand why it had to happen?

You can choose either one, right? And you know, it’s sometimes it’s hard to hear someone say these
things and think, oh, you know, just think positive, like all that toxic positivity. But I, I’m just, I’m being
real with you. I’m being honest with you. Those are your two options. So if you’re feeling rejected, it’s
okay to feel pain. It’s okay to feel upset. It’s okay to feel angry, feel the feelings, process the feelings,
and then think about what, what this is going to do for you. How this is going to be a redirection for you.
How this is setting you up to go down the path that you are supposed to go down. Why are you being
redirected? There’s something in the future that you’re not aware of yet, that you can’t see yet, that you
may not understand, you may not be able to understand yet, but it’s happening.

Things are moving. So what do you do in the meantime? What do you do in the interim? When you are
trying to get from a place where you feel rejected, you feel let down, you feel upset to a place where
you are content and you understand and you have clarity. That’s where your personal growth work
comes in. That’s where you’re figuring out, okay, who am I? Okay, what is it that I actually want? What is
it that I really don’t want? What do I need to do to get to where I want to be? And when you figure all
those things out, then you are getting closer and closer to that place. Resilience, grit, tenacity. These are
all things that are formed when someone has dealt with setbacks, dealt with rejection, heard, no. And
they choose to keep going. So that’s what I wanna encourage you to do today.

I wanna encourage you to keep going. I know that it’s hard. I know that you’ve been walking through
this probably for a while, and you are tired of being let down and being hurt. I get it. I totally get it. But
you being here right now, listening to this, trying to work on yourself, trying to better yourself, trying to
increase your mindset, have that growth mindset, you’re doing all the right things. Your story is not
over. You are just getting started. And with that, thank you so much once again for being here. Can’t tell
you how much I appreciate you and I will see you here next week.

Are you ready and determined to make this next season of your life the best season of your life? I believe that any person who is willing to invest in their personal growth has the ability to accomplish anything. And I wanna give you the tools to make that happen. That’s why I created Heartbreak Hero. It’s my premier program designed to help high value people just like you heal from their breakup, discover who they truly are, and find their ideal partner. Visit theheartbreaknurse.com to sign up now and get ready to make your comeback.