Regrets of the Dying + 10 Steps to Live a More Fulfilled Life

Welcome back to Comeback Class. Thank you so much for joining me for this week’s episode. If you love
the podcast and you haven’t done so already, make sure you go ahead and hit that subscribe button so
that you never miss a new episode. Before we get started this week, I have a really exciting
announcement and over the last several months, people have been requesting or asking me if I do oneto-one private coaching, which I never thought that I would offer something like that. I didn’t realize
that that was something that people would really want from me, but I have decided that I’m going to go
ahead and start doing one-on-one private coaching. I’m going to be limiting the spots to 10 simply so
that I can put my focus and my energy on helping those select few people that have chosen to work with
me privately.

I don’t wanna overdo it, so to speak but I’m gonna be opening it up to 10 people and it’s going to be
happening relatively soon. What you can do now is head to tools dot the heartbreak
nurse.com/coaching, if that is something that you’re interested in. And when you go there, you’re gonna
put in your email address and that’s gonna add you to an interest list. So once I get everything
organized, ready to go, I will, everybody that told me that they were interested, they will get more
information on how to sign up. So if you are going through a breakup, divorce, complicated relationship,
or any kind of life setback, and you think you want some guidance from me one-on-one, then make sure
you go to tools dot the heartbreak nurse.com/coaching and add your name to the list. And you’ll be
hearing from me very shortly.

In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about fulfillment and how to live a more fulfilled life. And I got the
idea to talk about this topic when I was listening to an audio book, and they had mentioned another
book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. And as strange as it may sound, I live my own life from
the future. So I think about if I were at the end of my life and I were I knew that I was going to die
relatively soon, what would I want to be? My truth, what would I want to have done or experienced or
accomplished? And I don’t know that I would have thought about approaching life this way if I didn’t
work in healthcare. I think working in healthcare and having the privilege and the challenge of taking
care of people when they are in these life stages, it really makes you do a lot of self-reflection.

So I am very grateful that I’ve been able to have that experience and that I’m able to have that kind of
rare perspective. So basically the top five Regrets of the Dying was a book written by a palliative care or
a hospice nurse. So someone that worked with patients who were nearing death, and she wrote about
their regrets, their top five regrets. So they are starting with number five. I wish I had let myself be
happier. Number four was, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Number three, I wish I’d had the
courage to express my feelings. Number two, I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. And the number one regret
of the dying was I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of
me. So looking at this list, a lot of all of these make a lot of sense.

But when I look at the top regret, wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself rather than the life
that others expected of me, to me that means living a life of personal fulfillment. And fulfillment is a
very subjective experience. It involves a deep sense of satisfaction, contentment, and purpose in life, but
it’s about living authentically. And it’s about aligning our actions with our values and finding meaning in
the way that we live our lives and in what we do every day. So how can you live a life that is true to
yourself and live a life of fulfillment? So number one is to define your own success rather than
conforming to the expectations of society. You need to define what success actually means to you based
on your values, your passions, your interests. You need to set your own goals and work towards them
with intention.

And it is so easy in this society that we live in to wanna conform, right? It’s, it’s in our nature to want to
be accepted. So a lot of times we do things in an effort to be accepted and to not stand out. And this,
this originates all the way into all the way back to our, our grade school days, our elementary school
days. We do things because we want to fit in. So we, and then as we become adults, we fig try to figure
out what determines whether or not someone is successful. And for some people that is, you know,
going to college and getting a certain type of job and making a certain, certain amount of money. And
that is what is considered successful by the general masses. But the truth is, success is whatever you
define it to be. And you never have to live your life by these societal norms.

You can choose your own definition of what success means and pursue that for yourself. So let’s just say
for example, that so far your idea of being successful has originated from this thought that that money
makes you successful, and the more money that you have, the more successful you are. I can’t
remember where I saw this, it was in some documentary, but there was, they were interviewing this guy
who was a filmmaker, I believe director, something like that. And he had become wildly successful. He’d
made tons and tons of money, and he had all the things, he had, the houses, the cars, the vacations, all
all the things that he could possibly want. So he gets all of these things, he acquires all of these things
after he becomes super successful, and he realizes that he’s not happy, and he in fact, doesn’t really care that much about having all these things.

So he gets rid of all of it. And not only that, but a large portion of his wealth, he decides to donate to
charity. And from then on just lives a very modest life in a modest house. And I don’t even think he had a
car. I think he decided he wanted to ride his bike everywhere for transportation. So, and this is just kind
of an extreme example, but you can see that even though society tells us a lot of time, that having all
kinds of money is what determines your success, this was someone who had all of that and he still
wasn’t fulfilled. So he went ahead and got rid of a lot of those things and ended up finding fulfillment in
a simpler life and not having all of these extravagant things. For some people, they defined success in
their career as being able to climb all the way to the top of the pyramid to be the c e o or something like
that.

And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with living this way. If you have really high career aspirations
and you know you wanna be in leadership, or if you want a lot of money too, that’s that’s, there’s
nothing wrong with that. ’cause Like I said, success, your definition of success is very personal. It’s
whatever you want it to be. So just to get a little bit personal for a second, to kind of show you how I
have changed the way I live my life based on my own definition of success, I used to think this way that
it was important to move up the ladder in terms of a career and get more degrees and certifications
and, and do all those things. And I’ve realized that to that, to me, that really doesn’t matter. It seemed
like it mattered, and it seemed like that was the most important thing.

But for me, it’s, I’m, I’m more interested now about having time to pursue passions and my own
personal goals. So I’m less focused on my career because I’m more focused on those things. And it’s, it’s
definitely a personal choice. And I do think that sometimes people don’t understand why I think that
way or why I am not like so hungry to kind of climb to the top. But because I’m, I’m so young and I still
have so much of my career ahead of me. But it’s just that I think a different way, that’s my definition of
success, is being able to enjoy the things in life that are important to me and not spend as much time
completing tasks or taking on more career related responsibilities. Now, we can talk about defining
success all day long, but I wanna keep rolling on this list. So number two, when it comes to ways to live a
more fulfilled life, is to cultivate meaningful relationships.

You definitely wanna surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up to support you. People
who have similar values that you do. Having a meaningful life means having deep, authentic connections
with people, whether those be family, friends or the people in your community. And you wanna make
sure that you invest time and effort into nurturing these relationships. This is one of those things we
tend to learn as we get older, right? When we’re younger, it’s a lot, it’s a lot more about having more
friends, it’s more quantity versus quality. Whereas when we get older, it changes a little bit and we’re
more focused on the quality of our relationships versus how many friends that we have. And you can
have lots of quality friendships, and that is awesome too, but it’s just important that these relationships
are authentic and that you share similar values with these people who you are choosing to give time to.

And emotional energy. Number three is to practice gratitude. And this is something that we talked
about a few weeks ago. We dedicated an entire episode to practicing gratitude because it’s just that
important. It is, sometimes it does take work to consciously remind ourselves to think about the positive
things in our life. Hopefully as you practice and as you change your mindset, it’s something that will
become more natural, because like we’ve talked about before, our brains tend to focus on the negative.
That is just what they automatically shift to. So we have to retrain our brain to focus on the positive
things and to focus on the aspects of our life that we are grateful for and that we appreciate, and that
includes the people in our lives, the experiences we get to have and the opportunities that bring us joy.
So when you start to shift your mindset and have that perspective of, I’m so grateful that I have, instead
of, I wish I had, or I’m sad that I don’t have, blah, blah, blah, it’s really going to enhance your overall
wellbeing and your emotional wellness.

Step number four, to living a more fulfilled life is to pursue personal growth. You wanna continuously challenge yourself to learn, to grow, to evolve. I remember I heard Tony Robbins say that if we’re not growing, we’re dying. And we, he means that in the spiritual sense that we constantly need to be improving ourselves and to be invested in learning something, whether it’s more about ourselves or the world around us. We are just like plants. We need water, we need sunlight in order to be able to grow. And a lot of these things which fit under that personal growth umbrella, that is our water, that is our sunlight, that is our food, that is what’s going to help us grow and flourish and live really fulfilled lives. Number four is something that I probably mention in every single episode, and I feel like I’m calling myself out when I remind you to do this, but it’s to take care of your physical health.

The truth is that your physical health plays such a crucial role in your overall wellbeing and self-care is just, it needs to be a priority. And this includes regular exercise, eating a balanced diet, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and making sure that you’re taking care of any medical needs that you may have. And I know that this is hard sometimes, especially when life gets in the way, but the truth is, is everything kind of stems from your physical health, right? You’re not gonna be able to go on and live this healthy, productive, fulfilled life if you know from on the inside, you’re, you’re not doing very well. And this has been something that I have been working on to the best of my ability, and I hear you, I know it’s hard to do all of the things to to take care of yourself, but the truth is, it’s just one of those things that we can’t ignore for too, too long because it will catch up to us.

So even if you can just do one small thing every day that’s gonna contribute to your physical health and
your physical wellbeing, it is definitely worth it. So when I was doing my research on this topic, there
was one suggestion that I was kind of like, eh, I don’t know about that. And I’m gonna tell you why. So
number six is to find balance. Now, I don’t, I think sometimes we are taught to believe that balance is
easily achievable, when in reality it’s, it’s not, it, it sometimes it takes a little bit of time. So the way that I
think about things when I have goals and the things that I’m working towards, I have to understand that
my life is gonna be out of balance for a little while. The, the real way to find balance is to see life as
seasons. So if you’re working towards something that is, that should be your main focus for a season.

And as you start building these main pillars and you have these seasons of your life where you are
working on different life categories, maybe your health or your career or your relationships, you’re going
to have to put the majority of your focus on whatever that category is, whatever that goal is, and pursue
that for a season. I think the reason that we are told to pursue balance so much is to help us avoid
burnout. So there I think there’s a difference. So while I don’t necessarily believe that, that you should
strive for balance because it is something really difficult to do, I think you do need to set boundaries and
learn how to manage your time effectively, learn how to manage your self care and learn to say no to
people. So I guess in that way, finding balance would mean making sure that you are prioritizing the
things that are important to you, which sometimes means you have to release some of the other things
that are maybe not as important or some things that maybe other people are putting on your plate.

So it’s okay to feel like your life is not perfectly balanced. Just make sure that you are doing all those
other things. Number seven, and one of my favorite ways to pursue a more fulfilled life is to give back to
others. When you are helping people and giving back to those you love or to your community, it can
bring a deep sense of fulfillment. You can volunteer, you can donate, you can engage in random acts of
kindness. When you are contributing to something that is bigger than yourself, it is going to create a
true sense of purpose. And that’s something that is very, very fulfilling. Number eight is to embrace
mindfulness. So when you are participating in your gratitude practice, you are also practicing
mindfulness and being fully present in the moment. You’re paying attention to your thoughts, your
feelings, all of your senses, and you are engaging in activities that bring you joy.

And imagine if you made this an everyday practice. Imagine if you did this every single day, how much
joy and how much peace it would bring you. And it can definitely feel like a project if you’ve never
practiced these things before, if you’ve never tried gratitude practice or being mindful, self-reflection,
things like that. But here is the absolute truth, and that is you as an individual yourself, you are the most
important project that you will ever have in life. And that includes even when you’re married or you
have children because everything stems from inside of you. You can’t teach your children to live a
fulfilled life if you yourself don’t even know how to do it, right? So it’s important to teach yourself so
that you can set an example for others. Number nine is super important, and that’s to follow your
passions. If you don’t know what you’re passionate about, I really encourage you to think about what
just truly brings you so much joy and happiness, and you would do it all day long if you could, and you
don’t even care about money.

I suppose that’s the easiest way to think about it. But most of us probably have some kind of activity or
hobby that really just brings us a lot of joy, whether it’s art, music, sports, some kind of creative
expression. It’s just whatever makes your soul come alive. And this doesn’t have to be the thing that you
do to make money. It could just be something that you do in your free time when you’re not working, or
you could be someone that is dead set on having your passion be your life’s work. Either way, having a
passion of some kind will definitely help you live a more fulfilled life. Tip number 10 on how to live a
more fulfilled life is to practice self-compassion. Make sure that you’re being kind with yourself, that
you’re being patient, that you’re treating yourself with the same care and consideration that you would
offer to someone that you love.

Practice self-acceptance and forgive yourself for any mistakes or setbacks. Understand that life is a
journey and it’s going to have its ups and downs, and you are going to learn a ton, sometimes not in the
way that you planned it, but it’s important to be compassionate with yourself and to love yourself just as
you love those that are in your inner circle. One of my greatest hopes for you is that you learn to have
the courage to live a life that is true to yourself because this life is a gift and we only get one, and I want
you to make the very most of it. That’s what I have for you this week. Thanks so much for hanging out
with me once again on Comeback class. If you love the podcast, make sure you leave a rating or review
wherever you listen. And I wanna remind you once again that if you are interested in having one-on-one
private coaching with me, I want you to go to tools dot the heartbreak nurse.com/coaching and sign up
so that you can find out when we are gonna get started. Thanks again, and I will see you right here next
week.